Sorry, Trinity

In chapter 4 of Genesis, Eve gives birth to her first son Cain and later to her second son, Abel. Abel was a shepherd and Cain a farmer. Abel offered to God fat portions from the firstborn of his flock, while Cain offered some of the fruits he had grown. But God isn’t about that hippie vegetarian foolishness and preferred Abel’s offering to Cain’s (duh). Cain got mad and killed Abel when God was off doing whatever else God does. When he discovered Cain had killed his brother, God cursed Cain to never be able to grow any crops again. He did, however, guarantee Cain he would not be murdered.

There’s also a guy named Lamech in this chapter who kills someone and tells his wives he has to be forgiven because Cain was forgiven. Thank goodness we don’t use that logic anymore today.

(I see, reading the new version of NIV, that they’ve stopped using the word “knew” and instead simply say “made love.” I guess because “knowing” your wife doesn’t sound sexy at all yet “having sex” is still too blunt for a holy text.)

 

My older sister is 22 and, mysteriously, still lives at home. I’m sure we’d get along more if she moved out and I didn’t have to see her every day, but the fact remains that there are days in which I honestly cannot stand her. I think I was meant to end this paragraph with a disclaimer on how at the end of the day I really do get along with her, but if I’m being honest I secretly count down the days until she finally decides to stop spending her every paycheck and starts saving up enough to find her own apartment. Sorry, Trinity. You do make me laugh quite a bit, but this whole coming home at five thing while making all kinds of noise has really got to stop.