Have you SEEN the spiders in Australia?

Mkay so there was Troy, and the Trojans and the Greeks were just boxing day after day trying to take control of it. The Greeks couldn't get far enough into Troy to completely take it, and the Trojans couldn't unify to vote the Greeks off the island. One day, a Greek general, Odysseus, was just done with that life and he decided that the Greeks were going to pretend to leave. It was Greek tradition to give a gift when they accepted defeat, and the Greeks were for sure known for their art. Somebody was like, "Yo, what about a wooden horse?" and everyone was like "Yeah, definitely. That's a totally normal idea for a gift." So the Greeks had their best artists build the gosh darn thing, and then they climbed inside it. Everyone else's got on a boat and pretended to sail away, and so when the Trojan archers saw they were leaving and that others were bringing a big arse gift, they were like, "THAT'S WHAT'S UP!" and they just let the Greeks gift them that horse. There was gargantuan celebration, and people were getting wasteeeeeed. Additionally, some of the intelligent people were like, "Yo, what if we burned it? That'd be pretty cool. We could get some smorez going on and we could roast some weenies. Bonfire type stuff." But no one was really down with that because they thought it was a pretty pony and they wanted to use it as a symbol for their victory (oh sweet irony). So after the whole town was wasted and passed out, the Greeks broke out and killed all the dudes and then enslaved everyone else.
Fin.

Maybe I'm the only one who thinks this way, but I want my great journey to be a compilation of my great journeys in life. I want to go to Spain and Argentina and and Australia (only maybe Australia because they have some crazy spiders though and I am so not about that) and Great Britain and Scotland and I think maybe even for a little bit I'd like to live in Peru and/or New Zealand. I think that'd be pretty amazing. And then when I was old and wrinkly, I could tell my grandkids (assuming I have them) about the incredible journey that was my life because I was a totally amazing old gal and back in my day you actually had to fly to these places not teleport.


One of the spiders in Australia. Their legs can be 15 cm long. That's roughly six inches. That spider has half-a-foot-long legs.
I think not.